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A Very Special Diary Entry

2003-10-21|11:55 p.m.

Every once in a while things come out of my mouth and I have no idea where they came from.

I'm talking to my friend Bob on the phone today when a fire alarm went off in his building... Here is how our conversation ended.

Bob: "That's a fire alarm, I have to go."

Me: "Cool. Peace out."

First off, I don't think I have ever uttered the words "Cool. Peace out." Why would I want to do that?

Second, why would I decide that when a fire alarm is going off in his building and he may be in some sort of towering inferno, it would be a good time to start?

Luckily, there was not a fire in his building. If there was, I would hate to think that the last words I utter to him - especially when I knew there was a fire in his building - would have been "Cool. Peace out."

I'm retarded. When I say retarded, I don't mean that I am special. I just mean I am retarded.

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So I found out on Friday night that one of the younger girls in the cast of the show I am in thought I was gay. (As 'Seinfeld' once said, "Not that there is anything wrong with that.")

I can only assume that it is because a large portion of the men in regional theater are gay. It certainly can't be because I exhibit any gay behavior - because it is quite obvious that I love the ladies and the ladies love me. (hey, stop laughing. Seriously. NO SERIOUSLY, STOP LAUGHING!!!

So anyway, where was I before you started laughing at me. Ah yes, the girl that thought I was gay...

I have never been one of those guys that gets flustered around gay men... Personally, I don't care if they are gay or not - and can't help but think the guys that have a big problem with gay men are trying to hide something deep down inside of themselves. (Don't read too much into that "hiding something inside" comment, you pervert.)

Nonetheless though, when I found out that she thought I was gay, I started wondering what I had done to make her think that... (maybe she read the diary entry about the guy in the bathroom stall next to me that tried to 'blow me a kiss.')

For about a half hour it was really eating at me. So I decided to go down to a local gay bar and beat the crap outta a few queers.

Okay, not really. But seriously, I am a little annoyed at myself for letting it bother me. Really, why does it matter if some 17 year old girl (or anyone for that matter) thinks that I am gay?

I guess it just goes to show, although as a society we have come a long way over the last 40 to 50 years, we still have a long way to go.

Previously on Ramblin' Bill -- In The Year 2000!

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