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Discipline and the Robo Urinal

Thursday, Apr. 07, 2005|1:48 a.m.

As if I have not been able to make this clear in this journal yet, I have the discipline of a two year old.

A few days ago I lost a filling. When I called the dentist, they told me they couldn't get me in for a few days. No problem - it's not like it hurts or anything.

Anyway, they suggested I go to a drug store and pick up some temporary filling material to put in the tooth until I get there. This way I wouldn't get anything caught in it, and I wouldn't further chip the tooth, expose it to anything, etc...

So the filling material I picked up is advertises "The same ingredients dentists use" and "no mixing" on the package, so I figured it would be easy to take care of.

So after cleaning/preparing the tooth, I put the material in the cavity area. At this point, the directions say to "Avoid chewing on the repair for an hour to allow the material to set."

In the dentist's office, this is when they get out that funny looking heat gun and dry the material very fast. Unfortunately for me, I don't have one of those fancy guns.

Once the material was in my mouth, I couldn't stop touching it, playing with it, pushing on it with my tongue, etc. I knew I wasn't suppose to touch it or play with it, but I just can't help myself. It was like my tongue knew it was the forbidden fruit, and it just had to have it.

Now, about 24 hours later, pretty much all of the material has chipped away and when I get to the dentist I know they are just going to laugh at me. I'd go buy more, but I am sure I would just end up doing the same thing again...

Oh well, the appointment is only a few days away, what could happen between now and then? (famous last words...)

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Gentlemen, would you ever use this:Robo Urinal: Behold Your Porcelain Master? Ever?

In case you don't want to click, (but how you could not want to click on a link with the words "Robo Urinal" in it is beyond me) I've provided you with a picture (borrowed from Gizmodo.)

Apparently, the arm's name is "Shakeutron," and as far as I can tell, it's there to hold and shake your member when you have to take a leak.

Seeing this makes me wonder many things... A few of them are: "What has happened to make man so lazy that he can't hold and shake his own penis anymore?" "How is it cleaned between each use?" and "I wonder if George Jetson uses this."

But most importantly, it makes me wonder, "what happens if there's some sort of mechanical problem?"

The only answer that I can figure out is - I guess you either leave with less than you started with, or you get a free happy ending.

I'm sorry - I suppose I was wrong for excluding the women in the question above... Perhaps women would have a great reason to use Shakeutron that I'm not aware of. Ladies, what could you use this for? Men, what can ladies use this for?

Previously on Ramblin' Bill -- In The Year 2000!

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