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Perhaps someday I will tell you more about me in this space. For now, you just have to learn it by reading my freakin' diary. Now get to it!


Last Five Entries

A note about a note - Monday, Mar. 26, 2007
It's so new it glitters. Okay, that's not true. None of it. - Tuesday, Feb. 27, 2007
Another MySpace Update - Friday, Jan. 12, 2007
MySpace Is Better Than Diaryland - Tuesday, Jan. 09, 2007
Go Over There - Monday, Oct. 09, 2006

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A note to the lady in the car next to me when...

Monday, May. 02, 2005|1:11 a.m.

Okay, it's not what you think.

I was running late, and about ten minutes before you saw me, I had stopped by a a drive-thru hamburger joint to pick up a quick bite to eat. I am not a fan of onions or mustard, so I always order my cheeseburgers plain.

I am sure you can imagine my surprise when I pulled the cheeseburger out of the wrapper, and before I even took my first bite, a tomato and several onions - all covered in mustard, catsup, and mayonnaise fell out of the burger and onto my shirt, the crotch of my pants, and the seat of my car.

It was a horrible thing. I broke the first rule I made when I got my new car, that I would not eat in it. But I had to - I was running late for the show.

Not only had the damn cheeseburger place screwed up my order, but they didn't bother to put any napkins in the bag. So I spent the next minute or so cussing up a storm.

Then I remembered that I had some car upholstery wipes in the back seat! At the next red light, I reached back and got them. First I got the stain out of the seat. Much to my surprise and delight, it came up very easily.

Then the light changed - damn it, I would have to wait for the next red light to clean myself up.

At the next light I was able to clean up my shirt. It was a little harder to get clean, but by putting a little muscle in it, I was able to get the stain out.

Damn it though, before I could get to my pants, the light turned green. You saw me at the next red light.

I know what it looked like - the intense look on my face as my left arm was going up and down over my crotch - but damn it - I swear, I was just cleaning up the stain from my not-so-plain cheeseburger.

The look on your face was priceless - Had the light not turned green, I would have rolled down the window and tried to explain what had happened - but I am sure that wouldn't have helped. You probably would have just run the light and reported me to the police.

I am sure you had a great story for your friends that night. At least I see the humor in it. Now. But man, was it embarrassing then.

Previously on Ramblin' Bill -- In The Year 2000!


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