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Realizing Things

Monday, Mar. 14, 2005|9:41 p.m.

I've been doing a lot of thinking the last couple of days, and I have realized a couple of things...

First, I've relized that I'm not sure if I will ever lose the weight I want to lose. Why? Because I love crappy food way too damn much, and hate any sort of food that is good for me.

Drink water? Okay. But before I do that, can you please carbonate it, and add some high fructose corn syrup, caramel coloring, and other 'natural' flavors?

Eat celery? Okay. Just put a little blue cheese on the side - and while you are at it, can you also add some chicken wings?

Carrots? Sure. I don't suppose there is some sort of recipe where you can dip those carrots in batter and deep fry them, is there?

Damn, why is the stuff that's so tasty so bad for me?

So what else have I realized? I've realized that I'm getting older all of the time.

Today my friend Bob and I were talking about the lame jokes we've both 'inherited' from our dads. Jokes like 'I didn't get a hair cut, I got all of them cut!' or 'I didn't get a haircut, they lowered my ears!'

Yeah, I know. But there are more... "Hey dad, where are we going?" "Crazy, want to come?"

The list goes on and on. I will not bore you with all of them. But yeah, having things like this come out of my mouth is a sure sign I am getting old.

But it doesn't end there. I'm even older than that... So as we were talking about the lame jokes, he mentioned that when his son grows up he will probably be too embarrassed to use any of these lame jokes.

It's at that point that I said "Look at some the music he listens to, he thinks that is good. Maybe he will like some of these jokes too."

It was as soon as I said that that I realized I was talking about 'the music that the kids listen to' and how bad it is. I am pretty sure I'm about a week away from saying "It's on my property now - so it's my ball."

I've asked my co-workers to kill me on the spot if they ever hear me say anything close to "Working hard, or hardly working?"
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On a completely unrelated note, in my mailbox today, I got an email from one of the local weather services. The title was "A Scoche Warmer this Week..."

Scoche? Really? I didn't realize anyone who wasn't in the cast of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" used that word.

Previously on Ramblin' Bill -- In The Year 2000!

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