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Vibrating Panties and Star Wars

Friday, May. 20, 2005|12:22 a.m.

I had no idea how right those guys from the hair band Nazareth were when they recorded the song "Love Hurts." As proof, I submit this story...

Kinky shopper KOed by vibrating knickers

As the story states:

According to UK tabloid the Sun, a 33-year-old Welsh housewife ended up in hospital after wearing Ann Summers vibrating Passion Pants to her local Asda supermarket in Swansea.

Unfortunately, she became "so aroused by the 2�-inch vibrating bullet inside that she fainted" then "fell against shelves and banged her head". This prompted the attendance of the paramedics who "found the black leatherette panties still buzzing".

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! (sorry, I had to get that out of the way first.)

It's easy to paint the picture of this lady being some sort of sex freak - but I'd like to propose a different story.

Her husband/boyfriend probably had been trying to get her to wear those panties out of the house for months - each time she said no...

But over the course of several months, he wore her down. Since she was just going up to the store to pick up some chocolate sauce, whipped cream, and a zucchini (don't ask) she thought it would be harmless.

Then she had a super orgasm and her leg buckled. The rest is history...

Oh, who am I kidding? She's obviously a hoar.
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To further prove that I am a giant dork, I am going to admit that I was one of these people... 'Star Wars' Grosses $16.5M in Midnight Run

In my defense, I didn't dress up or anything lame like that. But since I've loved the movies as a kid, and this was the last one, I went with a few other guys from work (damn, after only getting a few hours of sleep, it was hard waking up this morning.)

If you are (or used to be) a Star Wars fan, you've got to check the movie out - I think it could be the best Star Wars movie ever made. Of course, after the last couple of shitty movies, my expectations were pretty low.

If you do check out the movie though, for the love of all that is holy, promise me you won't go dressed up like this:

Or this:

Check out the guy behind the 'blue lady.' Could he be any more stunned that there's actually a woman at the theater?

At the movie, I was able to do one of my favorite things at public gatherings - start applause for no good reason. If there's any sort of excitement in a crowd, I've found if you clap loud enough, and with enough conviction, most of the other people around you will clap too. (This is something I first discovered about ten years ago while vacationing in Disneyworld.)

The first time I was able to start applause last night was before the movie even started. A theater employee came in and asked for our attention. Before she was able to tell us what she wanted, she was greeted with a very warm round of applause from the crowd... If nothing else, it made her smile.

As the lights started to go down, I was greeted with another opportunity - and sure enough, everyone else joined right on in...

I'm not sure why this amuses me - but if you're feeling courageous the next time you are at an event, give it a try - and let me know if it amused you - or if I'm just nuts.

Previously on Ramblin' Bill -- In The Year 2000!

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