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My Niece and Britney

Thursday, Jun. 02, 2005|10:31 p.m.

My niece is going to be fourteen on Sunday and will be entering high school in the fall.

I am very proud of her. She's a great young lady who is growing up much faster than I ever expected.

I remember the day she was born.

I was studying for finals at the library when I got the call that my sister had gone into labor. I was so excited that I was going to be and uncle that I couldn't study any more. Soon thereafter, I was very proud when I learned that I was also going to be her godfather.

She was less than a year old when I baby-sat her for the first time, Things didn't go very well.

About five minutes after my sister left, my niece started crying. No matter what I did, she wouldn't stop crying. I rocked her. I carried her around. I tried to feed her. I tried putting her in a little swing. Nothing worked.

This was before most people had cell phones. I had no way to get a hold of my sister. I was alone with a crying infant, and I had no idea how I could stop her from crying.

My sister came home about an hour later, and my niece was still crying. Within a couple of minutes, my sister had her calmed down and giggling. Damn that pissed me off.

Not long after that, I got her an Ernie (from Sesame Street) doll. It quickly became her favorite, and she took it with her everywhere. When I was still in college, I used to bring pizza over to her house for lunch and we would play Sesame Street - as well as many other games.

As I said before, she's a great young woman. And she's funny too.

I was talking to her earlier tonight, and she mentioned that her tailbone was hurting because of a fall while cheerleading. I made a joke about her tailbone being broken - because it has a crack down the middle of it.

She decided that she was going to go to my sister and very seriously tell her "Mom, I think my tailbone is broken."

When she got my sister to believe her and ask "Why do you think that?" she was going to say "Because it's got a big crack right down the middle of it."

I really am teaching her how to be a classy woman.
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Having a teenage niece, I am always looking at celebrities to step up to the plate to be a positive role model for her. In this busy day and age, what relative has the time to teach her things (other than butt crack jokes) - or show her how to behave? That's what TV/the media is for!

With that in mind, I was happy to read this news story.

In it, pop icon (and excellent role model) Britney Spears says sex when you're pregnant, sex is "crazy good." Damn, I wish I were a woman so I could get pregnant and have me some 'crazy good' sex too!

When the niece hears about this, I am sure she will want to get pregnant too. I mean, come on! Who doesn't want 'crazy good' sex?

Britney is teaching the women of tomorrow the first step to becoming a good mom; get pregnant so you can have 'crazy good' sex!

Thanks Britney, you're the best.

Previously on Ramblin' Bill -- In The Year 2000!

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