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The Pompitous of Love

2004-02-29|2:59 a.m.

All right folks, gather around as I speak of the pompitous of love.

Okay - so I have no idea what pompitous means. And I am not too sure that 'love' is the right word for me to be using here. Maybe just my love life.

For most of my adult life I have decided not to date. And, the strange thing is, I am not too sure why.

I can guess why... First, as a kid I was not the most handsome of boys. I had huge thick glasses - most of my friends called them coke bottles. Add on top of that the fact that my family did not always have a lot of money, thus, I was not the best dressed kid in school

As a matter of fact, when I was in 5th grade, I had to share my older sister's gym shoes with her for gym class - I had to go into her classroom and actually pick them up and then drop them back off because we had gym on the same days. Needless to say, I was not very popular with the ladies.

Maybe it was a few of the ugly relationships I had in high school... Maybe it was because I saw the hell that my mom and dad went through both before and after they were divorced.

Anyway, no matter the reason, I have not made too many attempts to get into relationships over the last several years.

My philosophy has been that almost every relationship you will ever be in will eventually end. And when it ends, all that is left is the heartache. I've always figured, 'why bother dealing with that?'

The last serious relationship I was in ended about three years ago. I thought it was the woman I would marry - but things did not work out - so I shut myself down.

Over the last year, I have attempted to date again - with not too much success. For some reason, I get nervous when I am around a woman that I am interested in. The kind of nervous that I am not sure what to say - afraid that any word that comes out of my mouth will be idiotic.

It's strange - I know I am funny. I know I am relatively smart. Hell, I can get up in front of a room of strangers and give a speech. I can perform on a stage in front of hundreds of people - yet I can't carry on a conversation with a woman that I am interested in.

Or can I... There have been a few women that I have been interested in lately who, for the most part, I seem to have no problem carrying on a conversation with. My problem now seems to be that I can't actually ask them out.

I suppose I would make the worst sales person ever - because up until now, I can't close the sale.

I was on the phone with a woman recently for an hour and a half - AN HOUR AND A HALF! - and I did not ask her out.

But damn it, I've got to change that. I do not want to be the old guy who lives alone that only talks to people when he is walking his dog or feeding the birds in the park.

There is one woman in particular that I want to ask out. She's the one I was on the phone with for an hour and a half a few weeks ago. Since then the show we were in together has ended, and we have both gone on to do new shows.

I saw her briefly on Friday - we both know many of the same people... and we were all hanging out. We had the chance to talk a little bit - but not as much as I would have liked.

We do not know each other too well... doing this show together was really my first opportunity to start to get to know her. So far, I like the person I have gotten to know.

So I think I am just going to call her and let her know that I would like to get to know her better - and ask her to go out to dinner sometime soon.

I am not going to overinflate the importance of one meal. I am not going to worry about maybe getting hurt somewhere down the lane. If she says yes, I will just go out and try to get to know her better.

The worst part about coming to this conclusion is that it happened way too late to do something about it right now. I have to wait until tomorrow night or Monday (I have rehearsal during the day, and she has it tomorrow night...)

But damn it, I am going to do it.

Sorry this entry has not been really entertaining - but I wanted to get it out so I could remind myself later - and make sure I follow through with it.

I'll keep you posted.

Previously on Ramblin' Bill -- In The Year 2000!

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