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Everyone, Even Ramblin' Bill, Poops

Thursday, Nov. 17, 2005|11:52 p.m.

As long as you pay attention to the things you do, I am very confidant that you can always find new things to make fun of yourself for. At least that's the way things go with me.

If you are anything like me (and for your sake - I hope you are not) your bowels seem to have a schedule - and around a certain time every day, you've got to poop.

Yes, I am going to talk about pooping, even though it is a shitty subject. Hahaha! Get it? Shitty/Poop... Hahaha!!! Okay, that wasn't funny at all. I'll move on now.

Lately I've found that my pooping schedule, and the schedule to clean the men's room at work has collided. I've tried to mix things up, but to no avail. No sooner do I sit down than the cleaning woman knocks on the door, opens it and asks, "Is anyone in here?"

Now here's the thing that I've found to make fun of myself for... (no, it's not the pooping. Come on. Everyone Poops.)

So anyway, when the woman asks, "Is anyone in here?" I've found that I've developed some sort of Madonna/Kathleen Turner accent when I say "Yes." I only seem to use this accent when I am on the toilet and she pops her head in the door. Odd, isn't it?

I can only imagine it's because I don't want her to know that it's me in there every day... God forbid she know that I poop! What would she say later in the day when I saw her again? "Hey Bill, daaaaaaamn, your ass stinks!!!" God forbid.

Yeah, I'm weird. But at least I'm not a dork.

Previously on Ramblin' Bill -- In The Year 2000!

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