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100 Things


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100 Things About Me

2004-10-24|1:24 p.m.

100 Things About Me

I am not sure why I was compelled to do this, but here goes...

1. The idea of writing 100 things about myself seems pretty intimidating. I don't often talk about myself - although I do talk a lot sometimes. I also wonder why anyone else would want to know 100 things about me... Nonetheless, I've started this now, so I might as well continue.

2. When I am put into a situation when I don't know anyone, sometimes it takes me awhile to start talking to people. I've had people later confess to me that they didn't think I would ever start talking.

3. I don't always have that problem. Sometimes people have problems shutting me up.

4. I have no idea why I'm like this, but I think part of it can be attributed to the fact that I assume that everyone is as big of a smartass as I am.

5. I am especially shy when it comes to talking to women.

6. I can think of several stories that involve me not being able to get a single word out of my mouth when I've tried talking to women I am interested in.

7. As a result of this, most of my life I have been single.

8. I do not want to be single for the rest of my life. I see myself with a wife and kids.

9. I think I would make a great dad.

10. My nieces and nephew would agree - because I am a great uncle.

11. I think it would be cool to move to another city far away from Cincinnati, but I don't think I could do it because I would miss my family and friends too much.

12. Even though I know that, I still frequently entertain the idea of moving away.

13. Thirteen is one of my favorite numbers. This may have something to do with that fact that I was born on July 13th.

14. I'd love to live in New York City for a year.

15. I'd love to live in London for a year.

16. I love to travel.

17. New Orleans is one of my favorite cities to visit, but I would not want to live there.

18. I am not shy when it comes to speaking and performing in front of a group of people.

19. I am 5'11," but people always guess me as taller than that.

20. I could never go into sales - I could not take the rejection.

21. I have a hard time being serious when I sing karaoke. As a result, I find it funny to pick songs like Pat Benitar's "Hell Is For Children," and then sing it in my fake rocker voice...

22. I find my fake rocker voice funny - and recently discovered it sounds like a slightly exaggerated version of the lead singer of Seether. Now I can't listen to the song "Broken" without smiling.

23. I'm one of the funniest people I know.

24. My grandpa is my hero. He was the funniest person I've ever known.

25. My Grandpa's favorite drink was gin and tonic. This is also my favorite drink, even though many people tell me it's like drinking a pine tree.

26. I love Orangecicles. (Orange sherbet and vanilla ice cream.)

27. I work for a large corporation as the Manager of a Marketing Research Phone Center.

28. Most of the work our phone center does is customer satisfaction work for other divisions of our company.

29. My job is just as exciting as it sounds... and you are right, it does not sound very exciting.

30. When I was young, I wanted to be a talk show host when I grew up.

31. I still think it would be darn cool to be a talk show host.

32. When I am not earning money to live, I am an actor.

33. During the week, I do not mind being by myself, but on Friday and Saturday night I get depressed if I am not doing something or hanging out with someone.

34. I can't stand it when I'm reading something that was written incorrectly. For example, there are grammatical mistake's (like putting an apostrophe on words like mistakes) or the word 'your' was used when the contraction 'you're' should have been used.

35. When I was younger, I thought it would have been cool to be goth. But if I ever had done it, I know I would have been called out as a poser. I don't have the attitude needed to pull that off.

36. I do not have any tattoos.

37. If I could ever find something that I know I would not mind having on my body for the rest of my life, I would get a tattoo.

38. I have something called Reflex sympathetic dystrophy.

39. I got it by falling backwards off a barstool and hitting my leg on the underside of a table in NYC at The Times Square Brewery.

40. After hurting my leg, I still walked around NYC for the next couple of days.

41. I also have eczema.

42. I am allergic to just about everything under the sun. This includes my own hair, grass, dust, tomatoes, and milk.

43. I still eat things like pizza, spaghetti and still enjoy milk and things made with milk.

44. I once totaled a car by sneezing while driving. I walked away without a scratch, but I was pretty sore the next day.

45. When I was a child, I had cataract surgery on both of my eyes (I had the lenses removed from my eyes.)

46. As a result, I am legally blind without corrective lenses.

47. After cataract surgery, I had to wear glasses with really thick lenses. I was often made fun of for those glasses.

48. When I do not have my contacts in, I still have glasses with thick lenses.

49. I think the glasses didn't really help my problem with shyness towards women.

50. I have a boatload of useless information in my head. I can beat just about anyone I know at any trivia game.

51. I am very competitive.

52. The reason I have knowledge over all things trivial is because I was pretty much raised by the TV set. As a child, when I was inside the house, I spent all of my time watching TV.

53. Both of my parents are/were alcoholics when I was younger. My mom sought treatment when I was young, and has not had a drink in over 20 years, but my dad never stopped drinking - and it's what killed him.

54. I have always been a night owl. To this day I never want to go to bed at night, and I hate to get out of bed in the morning.

55. I don't usually drink coffee - but when I do it has to be full of cream and sugar.

56. Throughout grade school and high school, I was the class clown and a bad student. I never tried until after I got into college.

57. I hold a bachelor of arts degree from the University of Cincinnati in Organizational and Mass Communication.

58. Although I can eat just about anything on my pizza, my favorite way to eat a pizza is with plain ol' pepperoni on top.

59. I subscribe to Entertainment Weekly, GQ, and Mens Health magazines.

60. You would think that subscribing to Men's Health and GQ would result in me being in better in shape and a better dresser. Nope.

61. I don't get scared on roller coasters.

62. For some reason, ferris wheels scare me.

63. Spell check is one of my best friends. I am a horrible spellur.

64. I share a birthday with Harrison Ford - when I compare pictures of him when he was younger and me now, it appears as if we could be twins. (this is when my cataract glasses are off and I do not have my contacts in though.)

65. The first concert I attended was Depeche Mode.

66. I've seen Billy Joel in concert 7 times.

67. I once toured the stage before a Billy Joel concert. I got pretty close to his microphone. It didn't smell like a beer. (I never toured the stage, so I am not actually counting this as number 67)

67a. I've always wondered what I would look like as a hippie, but I have never explored it for the same reason I never became goth. (and the fact that my allergies kill me whenever I go camping.)

68. I find goth chicks and hippie chicks very attractive - but I find lots of different types of women attractive, so I am not sure if that is a real 'newsflash.'

69. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Yes, I am still sophomoric enough to laugh at the number 69. I try to interject it into conversations whenever I can.

70. One day at school last year, my nephew's teacher mentioned the number 69 in a math problem. He told the whole class that 69 was his uncle's favorite number.

71. I was horrified to hear this, but still laughed my ass off. I worry that makes me a bad person.

72. I expect when my nephew discovers the 'hidden meaning' behind the number 69, he will feel the same way.

73. I believe in ghosts, but I would be pretty freaked out if I ever saw one.

74. I also believe that some people are psychic - but that most people who claim to be psychics are not.

75. I can't believe you are still reading this.

76. Although my friend Bob and I both agree that Phil Collins music is not very good, we have an ongoing debate over which Phil Collins song is better, "Against All Odds" or "I Don't Care Anymore." I am sticking with my claim of "I Don't Care Anymore" is the better song, even though not many people will agree with me.

77. For a long time, my friends Bob, Holly, and I had an ongoing tradition of betting each other $10.00 to do really stupid things, much like what was done on the TV show "Ed" with the characters Mike and Ed. (For example, Ten bucks if ask the waitress to doggie bag the last French fry on your plate.) After Bob and Holly broke up, we stopped doing that.

78. I cuss more than I would like to. And it fucking pisses me off sometimes.

79. My porn name is Jigs Jora. (to come up with your porn name, simply use your first pet's name as your first name and your last name is the street you grew up on.)

80. I like George's (Seinfeld) porn name better. (Buck Naked) He did not use the formula above to come up with that. Wait, this statement needs to be about ME.... Okay, here goes... I like Seinfeld.

81. There are a few 'jokes' that I have that I don't think I will ever stop doing. One of them is get behind a door as someone opens it, and pretend they hit me in the face with it.

82. When I do this to my sister, she gets visibly upset, and will often times hit me. That makes it even funnier to me, because everyone watching thinks that she is punching me for getting in the way of the door she opened. I realize how annoying it is, but I still find it funny.

83. The main reason I am disenchanted with romance is because I believe that pretty much every relationship you will ever get into will eventually end.

84. At the same time, I do believe in true love and the possibility of finding a soulmate.

85. I believe that every relationship you will ever be in requires a lot of work, especially if it is with your soulmate.

86. If I had to classify myself as one of the characters from 'Friends' it would be Chandler.

87. I hate the idea of classifying myself as someone from a sitcom, but figure if I am going to reach 100 anytime soon, I should probably do it.

88. I'm more of a dog person than I am a cat person - but part of the reason behind that is that I am more allergic to cats than I am dogs.

89. I'm fine with cold weather until the day after Christmas. After that, it should be at least 60 degrees Fahrenheit.

90. If I say I don't care about what to do or where to go, it's because I really don't care. If I cared, I would tell you.

91. I don't think of myself as uncoordinated or klutzy, but I get hurt more often than just about anyone I know.

92. Most recently, my sister threw a piece of ice at me, and it hit me in the eye and broke the contact while it was still in my eye.

93. My apartment and car are usually pretty messy, but I can find what I am looking for when I need it.

94. I like getting fortune cookies, just so I can do this.

95. I put entirely way too much faith in things like The Magic 8 Ball.

96. Although I am not a huge fan of shopping, I love Target. And no, I do not use the French pronunciation when I say it.

97. Even though the Bengals and Reds both suck, I can't help but root for them.

98. I've never watched an entire episode of Survivor or The Sopranos, and I don't really care if I ever do.

99. I believe that good things come to those who wait. But unfortunately, bad things come to those who wait too. That's life.

100. I find that using "the end" as your 100th item about yourself a cop out. That being said, there really only 99 things about myself that I care to type about now - So, that's all folks! :-)

Previously on Ramblin' Bill -- In The Year 2000!

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