Of all the blogs all over the internet, you've clicked onto mine.

It's always the Coke. The Coke.

2003-10-05|2:03 a.m.

So about 5:00 today I got home from working at the theater... Since the show starts w/ audiences on Thursday, today was the day we made sure everything was put away and lookin' all nice and neat.

When I got home, I was a little dirty, and I wanted a coke. (yeah, one does not have anything to do with the other... get outta my face about it - this is stream of conscious writing.)

So anyway, where was I? Oh yeah... I wanted a coke. What sucked is that I did not have any cold Coke, and no ice cubes in my freezer. So I did what everyone has done at one time or another - I put a warm coke in the freezer.

So I take a shower while I wait for the Coke to get cold... After the shower I camp out on the futon - and manage to promptly fall asleep while watching the Cubs/Braves playoff game. (the fucking Braves won tonight. I hate Ted Turner and the fucking Braves.)

I was awakened by the phone - my mom called to let me know she was watching my 8 month old niece. I decided to go over to play with her (my niece, not my mom.)

We made a trip up to Target, one of the best stores ever, to buy a few things... (and when I say we, I mean my mom and me - we decided to leave my niece with the dogs.)

Okay, don't get your panties in a bunch. We didn't really leave my niece with the dogs - we left her in the car. It was a nice night. We left the car windows wide open and everything so she could feel the nice breeze.

So anyway, while we are in Target, it occurred to me - I still have a Coke in the freezer. Fuck.

So we leave Target and head back to my mom's house. When we get there, I help my mom in with her stuff and take her industrial sized box of Tide detergent to her basement.

While down there, I discover my old baseball card collection. I get distracted there for about the next 1/2 hour. It turns out, I have some pretty good baseball cards. Of course, they all smell like a moldy basement, but they are still good cards.

When I get home, I turn on the TV and watch the news and the season premiere of Saturday Night Live (Jack Black is hysterical). They had a great commercial parody of a diapers commercial - Huggies Thongs.

So anyway, after SNL, I decide to log on, check e-mail, and do a little diary writing. But when it comes time to write, I have nothing... Do you ever feel like you have absolutely nothing to say? I'm all outta the funny!

So I'm sitting here looking at my blank computer screen, and I hear a big bang come from my kitchen... Fucking coke.

When I open my freezer door, the inside looks like my toilet after a long night of drinking, followed by a trip to White Castles. AUTHOR'S NOTE - For those who do not have White Castles in your town, it is a 24 hour hamburger place... only unlike McDonalds, these burgers wreak havoc on your insides. (Sorry for the graphic description).

So as I am trying to clean the entire contents of the Coke from the freezer - a process that takes about 10 years - it occurs to me. This is the kind of crap I can write about. The tiny, goofy things that happen every day.

At that point several other thoughts came to me as far as things to write about... No more staring at a blank screen for me!

So there I am trying to get exploded frozen Coke outta my freezer while thinking about all of the things I can write about, and I thought: It's all going to be okay. It's all okay.

(AUTHOR'S NOTE - Don't you hate it when people get all dramatic on you and repeat the last thing they said for emphasis? FOR EMPHASIS??? Me too. Me Too.)

The End.

Previously on Ramblin' Bill -- In The Year 2000!

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